I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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