You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
