just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
