Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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