When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My penis needs a shock collar
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize