is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
