Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
