Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize