Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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