we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
