if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
