There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
