Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
