someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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