Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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