Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
