I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he fucked my hip out of place.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My bed smells like the plague
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
