I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
