I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
