We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
