Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
