when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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