I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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