I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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