Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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