i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
