let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
