your parents love me but you hate me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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