There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
