we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I understand Curling. That high.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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