This is not my ceiling
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
