well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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