my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
