Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
