I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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