I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
