I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
