is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
