i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize