Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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