And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
