guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
