Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
