Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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