The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Randomize
