Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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