My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize