I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
