i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
