Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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