honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
