remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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