my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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