I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize