They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize