so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
