yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
