My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
