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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom

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• (806): View more from Texas

  I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.

  (253): View more from Washington

  you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  How can a condom be "half used"?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?

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