when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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