70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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