My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
