they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
