C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
