Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
