We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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