Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
