I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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