Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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