Non-Jews are for practice
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
should my penis look like a turkey
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize