Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize