im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
