he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
