So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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